I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
