I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
