Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
