If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
