You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
