she woke up with a sticky ear
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
