Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
