who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
