I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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