Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
