i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
