A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Randomize
