it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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