mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
