Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We have started to decorate penises.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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