I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
this is an emotional support booty call
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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