Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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