Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
