wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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