I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is the high leading the old right now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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