Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
