I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
