the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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