Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
