you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
