I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
