i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
