There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is Oprah even human
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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