Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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