Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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