I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
