Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
