2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
