I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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