I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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