i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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