I think my vagina is haunted
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
