whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
