idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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