On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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