He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
