Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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