i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
