Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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