had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
