So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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