Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish you could order shots online.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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