R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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