If that was your dad, he is hot
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
