he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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