honey bunches of taint.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
