After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
