I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
