Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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