I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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