So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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